Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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