I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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