areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
