I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
