I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
