we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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