The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
