what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
