ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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