I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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