I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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