I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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