If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
