he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
where are my eyebrows?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
