In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
