I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
