What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize