I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you had me at cake vodka
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
