$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
