the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
