Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
