Im at strip club and am horny
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
