I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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