I'm going to jail i love you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
