I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
