My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
