We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
