Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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