All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
is that a dick in a sweater?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
