Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
