Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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