I have demons in me.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
