I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Say something about gay babies.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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