ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
