dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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