I puked a lego.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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