Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
