I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
