walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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