It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you will always have a special place in my vag
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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