I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize