Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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