she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My pussy is not your playground.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
