well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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