Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
