Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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