I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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