Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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