ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
