Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Shitshow foam night was such a success
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
