Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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