i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
