Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You took a bar mat shot.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
