And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize