i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
