garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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