bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
