My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
