Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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