I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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