I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
