so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
