this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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