CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
