my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
