i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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