I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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