And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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