He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
