so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
