listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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