this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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