dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
