After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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