I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
