There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
