Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
