Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Mom said you looked used
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
