I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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