my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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